Hey Doc, I Can Hear You

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Before I start today’s post I just want to say the yesterday’s Google Hangout went well.  We are meeting again tomorrow with the entire leadership team.

Today I took a good look at my face in the bathroom mirror, something I try to do as little as possible.  I took a look at the scat on  my forehead and thought about how I got it.

I was born with a birthmark, one of those brown circles, just above my nose and right between my eyes.  It never bothered me and I rarely gave it any thought.  It was there. It was part of me.  That’s all there was to it.

All my life I have been prone to cysts.  I would go to the doctor when one popped up, he would lance it and I would be good for several years. Well, one day my mole got puffy and I could tell that something had formed behind it.  I had an appointment with my dermatologist, told him about it, and asked him if he could do something about it.  I figured this was a skin problem and he was a skin doctor.

“No,” he told me.  “You will have to see your ENT (ear, nose, and throat) doctor to get it taken care of.”

Huh? an ENT?  This is a cyst on my forehead, not a throat problem.

I do go to an ENT for allergy problems, I’m just a physical wreck, so next time I went I asked him about it.

“Oh, sure,” he said.  “I can fix that.  I will have my office staff call the hospital and set up a time.  I will remove the mole and you will be fine.”

Remove the mole?  I just wanted him to lance it and send me on my way.  This mole is part of my.  I never thought of having it removed.

“It will be done as outpatient under local anesthesia. You won’t even be knocked put.”

Gee, thanks doc.

The day of the surgery came.  Kathy went with me because I needed a driver afterwards.  I was hungry because I had not had breakfast.

In the prep room a nurse comes in and asks if she she can get me anything.

Well, since she asked I told her I would like a bacon, egg, and cheese biscuit, small OJ and a decaf.  She said she didn’t think so.   Then why did she ask?

A bit later the anesthesiologist comes in, looks at my chart and says, “You’re having a local.  I don’t need to talk to you.”  He didn’t know this before hand?  I’m starting to wonder if I made a mistake.

I am then taken back to the OR.  The doctor and nurses greet me and tell me what will be happening.  The doctor puts gauze patches over my eyes and tells me to keep my eyes closed. Really doc?  I truly wanted to watch as you cut open my head.  Now I am going to miss all of the fun.

I can feel him injecting the numbing agent and shortly I feel nothing, not uncommon for me.  He talks to me as he begins the procedure.  Then he and the nurses start talking about cutting coupons.  Now here he is cutting a mole out of my forehead while he and the nurses are in an animated conversation about cutting coupons out of Sunday’s newspaper.  I hope he doesn’t forget that I am not a piece of newsprint.

I felt like saying. “Hey doc.  I can hear you.  How about concentrating on who is under your scalpel and not on cutting paper apart.”

I don’t think I the procedure took more than 20 minutes and he really did do a good job.  I just wish I wasn’t privy to the conversation they were having in the OR while I was being cut open. 


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8 responses to “Hey Doc, I Can Hear You

  1. What an uncanny experience! Did you learn what were the good coupons to cut? And what an odd topic! Glad your Google Hangout went well. I checked on line to see what it was and wonder if the board I am on could use that…since we are scattered from coast to coast. I do enjoy your posts, your wording…and they usually bring a smile to my face.

  2. It might not seem as strange if the patient were out…seems pretty bad when they were working with a patient who could hear it all!

    When I had my wisdom teeth out (a long time ago!) I woke up because I could FEEL it… and the dentist said, “Oh, go back to sleep, that’s not hurting you!” I remember thinking, “How do you know? It’s my mouth!”

  3. You make me laugh! Such an enjoyable reading experience every day. I’m totally with you on placing your order with the nurse. Why, indeed ask if you are just going to refuse the request. Your view of the world is always entertaining. 🙂

  4. Oh my, how unsettling. I would want to yell, “Yoo-hoo! I’m still down here, ya know?”

    Sounds like you handled the procedure like a champ! I would have been a nervous wreck, crying and carrying on I’m sure!

  5. I guess I always assumed that doctors and nurses were discussing the surgery, if anything. Hmmm….

  6. Your asides were simply hilarious!

  7. Jaana

    Too funny! I guess the OR staff is used to multitasking!

  8. I don’t know if this will make you feel better, but the last time I was having an outpatient procedure, the doctor was so focused and kept making comments like, “Ughh . . . this is really close to the lung.” “Oh, I hope I don’t . . .” All of his comments were related to me and my body and I wish I hadn’t heard one of them. I wished he had been talking about clipping coupons! (I did finally share my “Top 10 Things You Dont Want to Hear Your Dr Say While He’s Working on You” list with all of his comments. He got the hint and apologized. 🙂

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